How Do You Decide? Do You 'Just Know'?

How do you decide? What age? What gender? Singleton? siblings?

I ask because I have no idea what I will request, as it changes daily for me.

I look at ALL of ML's clothes and toys that she has outgrown and think a little girl would use this stuff, I wouldn't feel so guilty about not donating it, yet. I think of the new blog name I would come up with for our house of all girls... but then...

I think about how boys wait so much longer, and having a son would bring me as much joy as another daughter, and I would get to do all new shopping (grin) and the fact that my mother actually said this weekend that "you need more boys at your house!!" (She was referring to the gender of a pet we MIGHT adopt soonish, but really, its more fun to take it completely out of context!)

Then, I go back to thinking of a girl, I will request a little girl, and since the psychic I saw said that she was sure there was one just waiting to be born around me, and she kept asking "are you sure you are not expecting?" And of course the psychic couldn't be wrong could she? ha ha

But then, my mind changes again, to siblings, 2 little girls? 2 little boys? One of each?

My goodness then the age? AAARRGGGHHHH...

Then I think, if you were pregnant Tanya, you wouldn't be allowed to choose... so maybe I should leave it all in God's hands and request One or Two under five either gender.

The only thing I have decided on is that I want to ML to stay the oldest, and she will most likely be at least 5.5 years old by the time I get a proposal... but then what if their age is wrong...

Can you tell I am very anxious to start my home study?

Things I Wonder About

This probably should fall in the "don't sweat the small stuff" category.

The latest thing that has me wondering is how will a new kid feel about ML leaving every other weekend to spend time with her father. I keep thinking how this might be quite hard for a child who has had so much loss in their short lives to understand.

Would they wonder why they weren't going as well? Would they wonder why they don't have a father to visit? Would they feel that they are missing out? On the flip side, the weekends that ML goes to her father's this would be wonderful bonding time for me and the new kid. But then would ML feel like she is missing out? Am I worrying too much? Wait, don't answer that!

I know kids are adaptable and resilient, and we will create our own 'normal'. I am sure this will come up in my home study....

Speaking of my home study, I am still waiting for the OK to start from the province... how long does this usually take?

Ethiopian Bedding

I was out buying Easter treats today on my lunch hour, and what did I find?

Ethiopian Bedding!! At London Drugs!!

It comes in Green/white or Brown/white, (it might be cream, not white...) is a comforter and two shams and two pillows... $49.99 I think.

It is designed by a young Ethiopian man based on some of his art... Guess what I am getting for my spare room??? I haven't bought it yet, as I didn't want to drag it back to the office, but tomorrow.... and I may even post a picture for anyone who wants to be a copy cat!

Tagged...

I've been tagged!!
Here are the rules: Choose 5 people to tag and a reason you chose each person (can be totally nonsensical)Leave them each a comment directing them to your blog so they know they are it You can't tag the person who tagged you. As a courtesy to the person who tagged you, please let them know when you have posted so they can have the sheer delight and extra work load of reading your answers

OK I am going to cheat a little here, as everyone I would have tagged has already been tagged... so I guess that is what happens when you are a procrastinator! So if you see this, and have not done it, feel free to play along.

So 10 random things about me...hmmmmm
1) I sell Usborne books, but only to my friends and to myself...
2) I love to shop ALONE, and prefer it to actually being in the company of others
3) I think Beer and Nachos are the greatest combo ever invented, especially when watching a hockey game
4) I take Bellydancing classes
5) I am a news junkie, I have to know what is happening in the world
6) If I never ate pizza or pasta again, it would be fine with me
7) I love to make cards, and I haven't purchased a card in over 4 years, my mom even pays me to make them for her
8) I am a soccer coach for my daughter, and on a regular basis, I would compare it to herding cats (which is one of my favourite expressions, that doesn't involve swearing! ha ha)
9) People who take 2 parking spots are on the top of my list of things that drive me CRAZY!!... not sure why this irks me so much, I think it is the sense of entitlement people seem to have when they do this. Makes me especially crazy on Saturday mornings when I am trying to find a parking spot at my daughters skating lessons, and there are no spots because so many people do this...
10) No one in my real day to day life knows about either of my blogs!!

Questioning Myself

On my single mom life blog, I wrote about the mutiny that is occurring at my house with my daughter and getting dressed in the morning. I know that most kids have a phase where they are unreasonable about clothes, or want to wear the same thing every day etc... but it is days like today with the full meltdown over the lack of a t-shirt, that I wonder how am I going to be able to do this with another kid in the house...

This past weekend was spent just ML and I, hanging out, going to the zoo, watching a hockey game, visiting family. In the midst of having a great weekend with my little girl, my thoughts turn to questions, can I do all this with 2 in tow? Will I be taking away from ML with the addition of a new family member that will need so much of me? I know how much she will gain from having a sibling, but I worry that she will lose more ...

Does everyone have thoughts like this?

It is good that I know it won't be rainbows and sunshine all the time with kids, and I know that ML has provided me with a good 'boot camp' training readying me for another child. I know that we will just find a way that works for all of us, but it is days like these that I question my ability.

This questioning doesn't change my heart. I want more kids. I want to adopt. I think I am just looking for some re-assurance, that I can do this.

Thirty-Five

I blogged about how hard this birthday is for me on my other blog, and after I posted, I realized, if I was still wanting to adopt form Haiti, I am officially the age they want single moms to be to adopt their kids.

Absent Minded Tanya

I just received an email stating that they received my adoption application...however I forgot to sign it!!