The Tough Stuff

Daily, I think about what my life will be like once I have adopted a child. The stuff I think about it is not all butterflies and rainbows of what my wonderful love filled life will look like. I think a lot about the mundane things that I do now, and how those will change. How life will be like in our house with 2 kids (or more) instead of just ML. I think about the logistics of more swimming lessons and going to the movies, and more toys and bike rides... I also think a lot about attachment. Not just the child attaching to us, but me to the new kid in the house.

Some people fall in love with their kids instantly, whether they are their's by birth or adoption. When ML was born, I was not instantly in love with her. I felt so guilty! You watch a baby story and you assume it is just what happens, instant maternal love. My sisters asked me what it was like to love someone so much instantly, and I faked my answer. Told them what I thought they wanted to hear, not what I really was feeling.. I just didn't "feel" what I thought I was supposed to feel. There was no instantaneous love, for me, it took time.

I assume it will be similar for me when I adopt. I have read Melissa Faye Greene article on post adoption panic a few times. "My friends also gave good advice. “You don’t have to love him,” one said consolingly over coffee. “You can just pretend to love him. He won’t know. Jesse’s never been so mothered in his life. Jesse’s in heaven. Just fake it. Your faking it is the greatest, sweetest thing that's ever happened to him."

This, I know, will be my mantra. Fake it until I feel it.

I bring this up now, as over at Our Big Crazy Family's blog, there is a great discussion about the Tough Stuff. It is great reading, and I just wanted to share.