I am ML's soccer coach again this year, and last night at our game we were playing the Yellow team (we are Maroon!). Gripping story so far, I know!
Anyways, I noticed that there was a transracial family on the yellow team. Two white parents cheering very loudly for a little girl, who, if I had to guess, was Haitian.
I so wanted to go up to them and ask a million questions, but then how do you do that at a non adoption function without looking like an ass? Seriously!! Plus I didn't want to single them out. It is supposed to be fun evening of soccer not Maroon Coach Tanya quizzing members of the Yellow team.
So tell me, what would you have done? What could I have said so as not to sound like a jerk who is just way to nosy?
All I could think of to say was "hi i noticed your family and I wanted to say hi because I am in the process of adopting but I don't want to assume that you adopted and I hope that I am not being too nosy...." and to say that really really fast... ha ha but then they might have looked at me like who is this crazy lady??
So in the end. I said nothing.
Advice? Anyone? Anyone?
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6 comments:
More than likely had they adopted and the child was out of earshot they would have opened up and told you or if the child was old enough to understand they may have let her talk. Depends totally on the age of the child. Or they would have answered politely and walked away.
It helps to know the questioner is not just being nosey for noseynesssake but that they are adopting themselves. At least then you have a true commonality.
I have always wondered how to do this as well. I will keep watching this thread to see any insight that people have. Have you thought about posting this on the message board as well? Great post!
Shannon
I am the kind of person who will pretty talk to anyone. However, I have been in the same circumstance where we encounter a transracial family and I sort of clam up. I don't want to impose, ask the wrong question etc. etc.
Last summer we were at an outdoor concert and we saw an older couple with a young chinese toddler...I did ask them if they had adopted. The child was young enough not to understand our conversation and the couple were very willing and proud to talk about their experience.
I think you just have to gauge your audience. Just say "hi" and maybe commnent on what a lovely family they have or comment on the child's soccer abilities...something to break the ice...you will then know if you should ask the big question.
Sorry to have blabbled on for so long!
Rana
I have been in the same position before and also said nothing.
I would think (at least for myself) that most people would be okay with the questions from another adoptive parent. It's just how to start I guess.
Ricki
Thanks for the suggestion Shannon, I will post it on the message board as well!
Having been in this situation more than once, I usually try to "break the ice" by complimenting the child, referring to the child as their daughter/son right away...
"Your daughter's hair clips are so cute!"
Then, when they respond, I might say something like "I will soon be shoping for hair clips like that because I am adopting from Ethiopia. Where did you get them?"
I let them know I am adopting transracially. If they want to talk about transracial adoption, the ball is in their court.
Most people I've encountered will say "Oh, thanks. When Sally came home from Haiti, I had no clue where to get clips. But you know, you can find them over at this shop..."
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