A Package in the Mail

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

I dated a gentleman last year. We only dated for about three months. He proposed. I said No. He has been trying to win me back ever since. His "winning me back strategies" went to far, and I had to cut ties with him. This should have been the end of the story.

But last evening when I walked to get the mail, there was a package from him. I was going to write return to sender on it and mail it back to him, unopened. But I didn't. I opened it. I was thinking that he remembered that it is ML's birthday next week and my heart softened a bit as it felt like a book, and ML loves books... There was a present for her in it, but something else as well.

A bit of background on this gentleman. He emigrated to Canada about 8 years ago from Zimbabwe. He and his family were/are privileged white farmers. He claimed he was much more liberal and open minded than most of his contemporaries, and thinks "just like you Tanya" but I could hear the racist undertones when he spoke. During these three months I was always speaking of the AIDS crisis in Africa, especially the orphans. He told me how many of the workers on their farm have died of AIDS. Fact of life he said. I said I am going to adopt. He says I am a silly Canadian girl and they would be better off dead in Africa than being raised by a single white Canadian. The relationship ended.

In his efforts to win me back, he said he has changed his mind, he will adopt what ever color of a child I want, and since he still has his Zimbabwean citizenship he could adopt a child for me without all the red tape... I turned this offer down.

One of his next efforts, was to run a triathlon. But before he ran this triathlon, he raised money. He said he will show me that he thinks "just like Tanya". He raised money for the Harare Children's Home where 30% of the children there are HIV+. He used the charitable status of his local church to fund the money through, and when his parents came to visit him, he handed the money over to them to donate. Because of the crisis in Zimbabwe the easiest way is to personally hand over the money. I knew he did this. I was happy that I was able to have that affect on someone. To see someones heart change, even just a little...But I haven't thought much about it since, especially with all the drama with him as of late.

But when I opened up the package in the mail last evening, there was a scrapbook that his mother had made. It showed where the money went to and pictures of some of the kids. It was now real. I saw what my rantings did. The money raised provided some much help for orphans in a country that is falling apart.

I have often wondered what can I do? I can talk about it. I can blog about it. But what does it really change? I now see what I can do. I can share my passion.

Have my feelings for this man changed? I don't know. But now I know he came into my life for a reason.

( I am trying to figure out how to post the scrapbook here... and will, as soon as I figure out how to)

AHOPE T-Shirts

One of the blogs I read had a link to the new AHOPE store selling t-shirts, and I wanted to share the informtaion.

I will have a link posted on the bottom of my blog for future reference. I would have it higher but I am not having much luck getting the whole image on the sidebar... ( this is a cry for help if anyone knows a quick fix... hint hint!!)

Feeding Party at Owlhaven

I have some extra blog reading for you, if that is your thing...I am trying not to be too bossy.

Remember this heart wrenching post I blogged about?

Now read about Dr. Mary's work in Ethiopia.

Then go to Owlhaven by midnight this evening, and if you are so inclined, donate to her paypal to the feeding program that Dr. Mary runs in Ethiopia as there are people going to deliver the funds to her in person.

Should I Just Buy Everyone I Know a Book?

SO I was speaking to someone about my adoption plans today, let's call her T. And T said "so you know S.? She has a friend who adopted from Ethiopia and they were told that their daughter has to be tested for HIV for 6-7 years as that is how long it sometimes takes to show up".

Now I said I don't believe that is accurate, but all I hear from her is "well I don't think someone who has adopted a baby from Africa is ill informed about this Tanya"!!

I suck at the answering these questions. Especially with people I am close to. As I don't want to be defensive and I don't want to argue...

I feel like going and buying EVERYONE I know a copy of either 28: Stories Of Aids In Africa or There Is No Me Without You: One Woman's Odyssey to Rescue Africa's Children!!!

Perspective

OK after my fluff post below, I am going to link to a gut wrenching post. It is from Owlhaven. Reading it, literally made me feel like I was kicked in the stomach.

My sister Sophie arrived in Ethiopia a week ago, and will be working at the Soddo Hospital until August. She sent me this email on Friday.

Dr. Ruth asked us if we would be able to walk a family to the orphanage. A couple had brought their infant to the outpatient department, hoping to give her up for adoption. When I saw them, I immediately knew that the dad had AIDS. He was remarkably thin, with a round belly. Every single bone in his face stuck out, and he looked completely exhausted. The mom was a beautiful petite little thing, openly nursing her gorgeous (no words to express how beautiful this baby is!), chubby baby.

I took a deep breath, chatted as much as I could (about 2 sentences before explaining to her that I only speak a little bit of Amharic and don’t understand what she just said), admired the baby, and started the walk to the orphanage. My heart broke for the family walking behind me. How completely desperate they must be to bring this stunningly beautiful, and clearly cherished, child to an orphanage. I sadly noticed that their clothes were church clothes—they must have dressed up for the occasion. I’m pretty sure I could not have done that.

When we got to the orphanage, we were surrounded by even more gorgeous little ones, all vying for our attention. Even though I held hands and greeted these giggling children, my heart was still with that mom who was holding her baby close to her. We presented the family to the man in charge, who asked a few questions (mostly, “if you are both alive, why are you bringing this child here?”) before telling them that they needed to bring the child to their local kebele (government office), who would take care of the court proceedings before they could legally give their child up. Dad was not happy about it, but I think I saw a hint of relief in the mother’s eyes. Not today, she was thinking.

As I had chai and dabbo (tea and bread) at that orphanage with children crawling all over me, I wondered what would happen with that family. Would the mom convince her husband that they could wait just awhile longer? Maybe she wouldn’t get sick. Maybe the little girl is healthy. Maybe they wouldn’t have to say goodbye to their cherished baby. Maybe their prayers would be answered.

Maybe someday we’ll understand why God chooses to do what He does. Maybe we’ll know why He lets things happen that, from our perspective, could never be “for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” How could a continent full of orphaned children be good for anyone?

Feel good Article

Here is something to make your Monday feel just a little bit better.

I Will Be a Disaster in September

Last night was Kindergarten Orientation, and during the opening speech I started to get misty eyed... I wrote about it more here. Wow I think I will be a blubbering mess when ML has her first day of school in September.

I had a great chat with the teacher, and the classroom is so cute!! I spoke with her about ML's Epilepsy and her Father and then I told her about my adoption plans and she was so excited for us.

She asked me if I would like her to try to incorporate the country of choice into the curriculum, and I said that would be wonderful. I asked her to wait until we are officially a waiting family.

I think I might be as excited for ML to go to this school as she is!! Hee!!

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN
KINDERGARTEN

(a guide for Global Leadership)

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.
These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw
and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living. Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

[Source: "ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN" by Robert Fulghum. See his web site at http://www.robertfulghum.com/ ]

40 Days of Change

Rana posted this challenge on her blog a few days ago. I wanted to join in.

What is 40 days of change you ask? Well, I will tell you. 40 Days of Change is about making a change. A change in you, to aspects of your life, to your community or to the world.

I have been mulling around the idea for a few days, trying to decide what I would do. Well I have decided.

I want to change the amount I consume.
I want to get rid of the excess STUFF that is cluttering up our house

How I consume food, household items, clothing etc. When buying groceries yesterday the increase prices of food really hit home.

And then this is happening. (I know if I consume less food etc. it won't end food shortages and droughts.) In North America, we consume far more than we need. Also the less I consume, the easier on the pocket book my adoption will be.

There is too much "stuff" in my house, and I want to get rid of it.

Rana is posting daily inspirations, and I recommend you check out her blog to follow along. I will post intermittently about my progress as well!

Thanks for this great Idea Rana!!

Nothin But Nets results

Remember this little game I posted?
I received an email today with the results and wanted to share.

...thanks to YOU!
Dear Tanya,
We are very pleased to announce that the first-ever World Malaria Day was a triumph, and we want to thank YOU for making it happen. Your efforts, combined with those of Nothing But Nets’ partners and the United Nations Foundation, helped us to achieve our goals of spreading the word about malaria in fun and different ways.

Here are some of the highlights of our success:
More than 16,000 people played our new game,
Deliver the Net, and had a bed net sent to Africa on their behalf, from Vestergaard Frandsen, a bed net manufacturer;
Nearly 350 supporters across the country hosted NETS Challenge events, ranging from billiards tournaments to basketball games to bake sales;

Together we raised more than $550,000 - that’s 55,000 lives saved!
Supporters attended events hosted by our partners in cities across the country, including Chicago, Houston, Dallas, and Denver; UN Foundation Founder and Chairman, Ted Turner; sports columnist and Nothing But Nets spokesperson, Rick Reilly; and our mascot, the mosquito; recognized World Malaria Day by ringing the closing bell at the New York Stock Exchange on April 25.

Check out some pictures from World Malaria Day!

The success of World Malaria Day brings us one step closer to helping the United Nations reach its goal of eliminating malaria deaths in Africa and covering the entire continent with bed nets.

Thanks for your support!

Sincerely,The Nothing But Nets Team
http://www.NothingButNets.net/

Letter to the editor.

Oh sometimes it is hard to live where I live. This is a quote from the local paper's opinion section.

Two Ontario women ” who set themselves up as a married couple, had a child and then split ” were both awarded parental rights to the child by the Ontario Court of Appeal, even though only one of the women has any blood relationship to the kid. So, now, the woman with no blood relationship to the child has just as much say about the future of the kid as either the biological father or birth mother. (emphasis mine)

Lawyers say the ruling may pave the way for courts to decide children can legally have multiple parents, including foster parents, close friends, uncles, aunts, etc.
If that happens, surely we will have chaos in our society.
But let's all get nuts.
Let's allow people to have multiple wives or husbands, and since anything apparently goes in our society” let's keep the rest of our options open, too, wherever that leads us.

I have responded with a letter to the editor. I guess we will see if it is published.

My letter stated the following.

The right of a same sex couple to be seen as legal parents and guardians in the eyes of the law has nothing to do with legalizing Polygamy. Since when does sharing DNA have anything to do with being a good parent? Are adoptive parents not parents? If a same sex couple has a child together, they are that child's parents. What about a couple who is infertile? What if they use a sperm or egg donor? Are they not the child's parent? The ability to procreate and sharing DNA is not indicative of a person's ability to be a good parent. This is just fear mongering.

A Walk to Beautiful - have you seen it yet?

I was finally able to watch it, but missed the first 12 minutes... so I will try to re-watch it.

It broke my heart, and then made it whole again. Really. I know that sounds cheesy, but I don't know how else to explain how it made me feel.

The young girl Wubete, I just wanted to give her a hug. To see what the Fistula Hospital does for the women after, especially if they don't want to go home, wow. What a wonderful thing.

My other favourite part, was when one of the women arrived home (can't recall her name) and saw that her husband had not looked after their home, and gives him supreme shit, I loved it. To think of all she went through and came home to that...

If you want to make a donation here is the site.

Today is World AIDS Orphans Day

May 7th marks World AIDS Orphans Day, a campaign to draw attention to the more than 15 million children orphans by AIDS worldwide. Just 1 in 10 AIDS orphans receive any external support. The needs of children are being ignored in the fight against HIV and AIDS. Check out the World AIDS Orphans Day website (http://www.worldaidsorphans.org/) where you can join the movement, raise awareness, appeal to elected officials and candidates, plan and host events, fundraise, follow links to partner organizations’ websites, and watch and upload videos and photos.

Thanks!

Tell Two

If you have been around the adoption world a while, you may have come across the transracial/transnational blog at adoptionblogs.com. And you would have read the writing of of Erin, mom to 11, two of which are HIV +.

She no longer blogs there. She now is the HIV+ coordinator for AAI. On her blog today she has asked that we each tell two people the following. I am going to post her entire blog entry here.

Tell two
Today I have heard from several different parents of HIV+ children who are facing negative reactions to their adoptions based on the stigma and ignorance surrounding HIV. It is extremely frustrating to me that in 2008 there is still so much unfounded fear caused by a lack of education, that results in nasty, ugly and mean treatment of people who are HIV+ and their families.

The reason people in the U.S. are not educated about HIV is that most people don't care, because most people in this country are not affected by it. People still see it as the problem of homosexuals, drug users and people in Africa. The reality is, HIV/AIDS is everyone's problem. It is a devastating problem in Africa and many countries, but there are many, many Americans living with this disease as well. In fact, new cases of HIV in the U.S. are now being seen in the largest numbers in heterosexual women. HIV/AIDS is a HUMAN problem.

Living with this nasty disease is hard enough, but compounding that with the misguided fear and judgment of society is beyond tragic, and as the mom of two HIV+ children, it is sad and frustrating.

So, if you are one of the many who check in to this blog every day, I am asking you to do me a favor. I want you to tell at least two people about HIV. Spread the word that...

- HIV can NOT be spread through causal/household contact. HIV is not spread through hugging, kissing, shaking hands, sharing toys, sneezing, coughing, sharing food, sharing drinks, bathing, swimming or any other causal way. It has been proven that HIV and AIDS can only be spread through sexual contact, birth, breastfeeding and blood to blood contact (such as sharing needles).

- HIV is now considered a chronic but manageable disease. With treatment, people who are HIV+ can live indefinitely without developing AIDS and can live long and full lives.

- People who are HIV+ deserve to be treated with love, respect, support and acceptance as all people do.

If anyone wants more info on transmission, there is great info on the Center for Disease Control website at http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/factsheets/transmission.htm

Help me spread the truth about HIV, and take a tiny stab at the stigma against HIV. Tell your friend when you talk on the phone. Tell your spouse. Tell your parents. Post it on your blog and ask other people to tell their readers. Ask them to pass it on as well. I would love to see this spread beyond the adoption blogs.

Even if you have no real interest in HIV/AIDS, even if you are not involved in adoption, even if you don't think you know anyone who is HIV+... education and knowledge are always a good thing. It is so easy to say to someone, "hey, guess what I learned today?" and it is even easier to put it on a blog or in an email.

Do it for me. Do it for the other adoptive families and the HIV+ orphans that are waiting for homes. Do it for Belane and Solomon. Do it for all of the other people on this planet living with HIV. If everyone that reads this blog tells at least two people, that is a whole bunch of people we can reach and a little bit of difference we can make.

Nothing But Nets

I have a game for you! If you have been perfecting your gaming abilities over on Shannon's blog with the African map game... I have a new game for you!

(Here is the Email you are supposed to forward to your friends, but I have posted it here instead.)

In case you didn’t know, a child dies every 30 seconds from malaria and it’s all because of a mosquito bite. But it’s never been easier to send bed nets to Africa and help save lives. I just did it by playing the Nothing But Nets World Malaria Day game, Deliver the Net.

http://www.NothingButNets.net/game

"Yeah, right!" you may say - but all you have to do is play the game. A $10, life-saving bed net will then be delivered to Africa, in your name! A child in Africa dies from malaria every 30 seconds — but you can help, without spending a dime. Play the game. Send a net. Save a life. It only takes a few minutes.

http://www.NothingButNets.net/game

Primer On Things People Will Say

On one of the adoption message boards I belong to, a link to an newspaper article about adoption is posted.

I am, of course, compelled to read it. Then I read the comments.

Anyone who wants to be ready for every imaginable thing they will hear from their uninformed, anti-adoption friend, relative, neighbour or acquaintance... Click here.

Some of my "favourites" (sarcasm intended) are ones I have heard before...

"Gogh Forit from Canada writes: Whatever happened to do it yourself?"

"Chadwick Minh from Canada writes: I've read that the adoption numbers
in Canada are extremely low. "...an alarmingly low placement rate: of almost
26,000 kids in 2000, only 1,585 found permanent homes with adoptive parents. Six
per cent." http://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.com/ Why are people looking
outside the country to adopt?"

"l m from Canada writes: Adoption rates
within Canada are abysmally low. Everyone wants a baby but people should know
that once a child reaches the age of 3, the chances of being adopted fall to
almost zero. This is outrageous. If you really want a child, you should be
willing to adopt a 3 year old. There should be an outright ban on foreign
adoptions until all the needy children here are placed. I also believe that it
is wrong to take a child out of its own culture just to satisfy the whims of
trendy white liberals. There are enough pressures today without a child feeling
alienated because it is black or yellow while its "parents" are white. "

My favourite? It was a hard choice but this one wins:

" M from Vancouver, Canada writes: "Then if it takes so long to adopt a child here, in Canada, then that is what needs to be addressed."The only way to address it is to remove financial support for young single mothers. There are precious few healthy infants available for adoption in any given year.

A Walk to Beautiful

Hat Tip Our Munchkins .

I was blog surfing today and I found a link to this award winning documentary - A Walk to Beautiful. It airs in May 2008.

The film tells the personal stories of rural women who make their way to Ethiopia's capital, Addis Ababa, seeking treatment for obstetric fistula, a life-shattering complication of childbirth that was once common in the pre-industrial United States but that is now relegated to the poorest regions of the world.

The women profiled in "A Walk to Beautiful" are treated as virtual lepers in their villages, where they are shunned by family and made to live alone. One women admits to contemplating suicide.

Through chance they learn that there are other women who share their affliction, and that the Addis Ababa Fistula Hospital exists to help them—if they can manage to walk for hours to the nearest road, find public transport to the capital, and then search out the hospital in a strange and forbidding city. Once there, they enter a haven that they never imagined, surrounded by women like themselves and a medical staff of Western and African doctors who treat them like human beings, not outcasts.

A Blue Ribbon For Baby Max

Please follow this link to read about this campaign.

Ask and you shall find....

Well after writing that post yesterday, I have found 2 resources I hope can help me with the commenters I wrote about.

The first was from Sandra at adoptionblogs.com. In her blog post she references some great material to teach your kids about tolerance, you can have it mailed to you for a $5 (USD) shipping charge, or it is available for download on the site, but I can't get it to work... I will try again when I get home.

The other I found on anti-racist parent. It references a book I have ordered, that if it is as good as I think it might be, I will forward to some of the people I spoke of yesterday. I am hoping that it at least helps start a diaolgue. I will post a review and let you know if it is well received. Here is the quote that anti-racist parent had on their site.

A final fear has probably always haunted white people but has become more powerful since the society has formally rejected overt racism: The fear of being seen, and seen-through, by non-white people. Virtually every white person I know, including white people fighting for racial justice and including myself, carries some level of racism in our minds and hearts and bodies. In our heads, we can pretend to eliminate it, but most of us know it is there. And because we are all supposed to be appropriately anti-racist, we carry that lingering racism with a new kind of fear: What if non-white people look at us and can see it? What if they can see through us? What if they can look past our anti-racist vocabulary and sense that we still don’t really know how to treat them as equals? What if they know about us what we don’t dare know about ourselves? What if they can see what we can’t even voice?

from The Fears of White People by Robert Jensen

A Taste of What is to Come?

You know you are going to hear something bad when it is preceded by "I'm not a racist". Really? If you have to say that then you probably are.

In the last 2 weeks, on 3 different occasions, by 3 different people, about 3 different groups of people, I have heard "You can't trust "them".

What can I say? What should I say? Especially if they are said by people who are related to you? I don't want to cut them out of our life, not yet. I want to try to educate them. I believe that these statements are made out of fear and ignorance. All I know to do is question the person who says it, asking them if they know every single person of that ethnicity. Asking how they can paint a whole nation or people with that broad brushstroke?

You know what I get back? My head is in the sand, not wanting to see how people and/or the world really is. They tell me it is naive to think we can all just get along.

I want to respond intelligently to these comments when my kid(s) (hopefully plural) are old enough to understand. I want to be prepared and armed with "something" to act as a rebuttal when these comments are said around my family.

I know I am not alone in dealing with such comments. Any advice would be appreciated.

Generation of Orphans

Rod has a great post about a great DVD that the Stephen Lewis Foundation produced. The DVD is called A Generation of Orphans. I also would encourage anyone to get a copy.

I am attending an evening with Stephen Lewis next week as well, and can't wait... just need to find a sitter now....