Feeding Party at Owlhaven

I have some extra blog reading for you, if that is your thing...I am trying not to be too bossy.

Remember this heart wrenching post I blogged about?

Now read about Dr. Mary's work in Ethiopia.

Then go to Owlhaven by midnight this evening, and if you are so inclined, donate to her paypal to the feeding program that Dr. Mary runs in Ethiopia as there are people going to deliver the funds to her in person.

Should I Just Buy Everyone I Know a Book?

SO I was speaking to someone about my adoption plans today, let's call her T. And T said "so you know S.? She has a friend who adopted from Ethiopia and they were told that their daughter has to be tested for HIV for 6-7 years as that is how long it sometimes takes to show up".

Now I said I don't believe that is accurate, but all I hear from her is "well I don't think someone who has adopted a baby from Africa is ill informed about this Tanya"!!

I suck at the answering these questions. Especially with people I am close to. As I don't want to be defensive and I don't want to argue...

I feel like going and buying EVERYONE I know a copy of either 28: Stories Of Aids In Africa or There Is No Me Without You: One Woman's Odyssey to Rescue Africa's Children!!!

One of the reaons *I* am choosing to be a SAMBC - Updated with Picture

SAMBC = Single Adoptive Mom By Choice.

As we all know I am already a Single Mom. Being a Single Mom to ML was not my first "choice" but it was my second, and the better of the two. Take my word for it.

This weekend, as we all know was Father's Day. ML is supposed to spend Father's day with her Father, is spelled out in the parenting agreement even. She made a Hand Plaster Cast of her Hand to give him on this Father's day. She decorated it with Jewels and wrote I LOVE DAD on it. She was so proud of her creation, talked about giving it to him all week.

He didn't show up. He didn't call. Nothing. She was Heartbroken.

Now I am in no means painting all men with this brush, I know many wonderful Fathers, I have one myself. It is just when you have been on this side of the fence... making the choice to do it alone is easier.

(disclaimer - if Mr wonderful came into my life tomorow, I would include him in the journey in a heartbeat...)

Types of Moms and Questions

I am the kind of mom who does not freak about germs and dirt. My daughter has been in a daycare setting since she was 9 months old. As a result had the chicken pox at 10 months, and (gasp) as a consequence didn't have the chickenpox vaccine. I expect kids to get dirty, and then expect some of that dirt will be ingested. I also do not wipe down everything that my child could come into contact with. Prior to eating, I don't wipe down with my own wipes a table at a restaurant, etc. etc. I figure it is all good, builds up the immunity right?

Well the rest of my family is not like this. Please don't think that my house is a mess and that I don't like things clean. I just think kids are kids, and dirt never hurt anyone. The rest of my family panics about anyone touching ANYTHING before it has been properly sanitized. Really. I try to be a "go with the flow" sister and daughter about the whole thing, but it is hard. Like the time I was scolded for giving my nephew a "dirty" shoebox to play with. Dirty because it came from the store and people have touched it....

Why is this relevant to my adoption blog?

I have been slowly discussing my adoption plans with my sister, and she is asking lots of questions, most of them are ill informed, but I understand she hasn't been researching and reading about adoption for the last 2.5 years so I am trying to inform her.

The first questions was "so you are going to adopt a Chinese baby then?" I explained that is no longer an option for a single gal, and was never my first choice. The next Question was "so you will adopt another 3rd world baby then?" And so I explained my plan is to adopt from Ethiopia, a girl most likely under the age of 4, as I don't want a huge age difference between ML and NK.

The Last Question, and the one that required all that background info was "well do you get to pick a healthy one?". I explained how yes you do get to decide which, if any, special needs you would be comfortable accepting. I told sister I am of course I am open to a child with Epilepsy as ML has it, wouldn't change her for the world, and I know I can deal with that. So then she asks the HIV/AIDS question. I tell her that the kids are tested for that, but she was not convinced that the tests "there" would be reliable. She then asked about Hep B and others, I said again tested.... she then says "but kids suck on things and that is how people get Hep B and what if NK falls and skins their knee and there is blood... I would be nervous about having son play with your girls...."

I then tried to explain my limited knowledge about such things, but all she kept saying is "but you could just request a healthy one, if there are so many, please don't get one with a disease..."

Perspective

OK after my fluff post below, I am going to link to a gut wrenching post. It is from Owlhaven. Reading it, literally made me feel like I was kicked in the stomach.

My sister Sophie arrived in Ethiopia a week ago, and will be working at the Soddo Hospital until August. She sent me this email on Friday.

Dr. Ruth asked us if we would be able to walk a family to the orphanage. A couple had brought their infant to the outpatient department, hoping to give her up for adoption. When I saw them, I immediately knew that the dad had AIDS. He was remarkably thin, with a round belly. Every single bone in his face stuck out, and he looked completely exhausted. The mom was a beautiful petite little thing, openly nursing her gorgeous (no words to express how beautiful this baby is!), chubby baby.

I took a deep breath, chatted as much as I could (about 2 sentences before explaining to her that I only speak a little bit of Amharic and don’t understand what she just said), admired the baby, and started the walk to the orphanage. My heart broke for the family walking behind me. How completely desperate they must be to bring this stunningly beautiful, and clearly cherished, child to an orphanage. I sadly noticed that their clothes were church clothes—they must have dressed up for the occasion. I’m pretty sure I could not have done that.

When we got to the orphanage, we were surrounded by even more gorgeous little ones, all vying for our attention. Even though I held hands and greeted these giggling children, my heart was still with that mom who was holding her baby close to her. We presented the family to the man in charge, who asked a few questions (mostly, “if you are both alive, why are you bringing this child here?”) before telling them that they needed to bring the child to their local kebele (government office), who would take care of the court proceedings before they could legally give their child up. Dad was not happy about it, but I think I saw a hint of relief in the mother’s eyes. Not today, she was thinking.

As I had chai and dabbo (tea and bread) at that orphanage with children crawling all over me, I wondered what would happen with that family. Would the mom convince her husband that they could wait just awhile longer? Maybe she wouldn’t get sick. Maybe the little girl is healthy. Maybe they wouldn’t have to say goodbye to their cherished baby. Maybe their prayers would be answered.

Maybe someday we’ll understand why God chooses to do what He does. Maybe we’ll know why He lets things happen that, from our perspective, could never be “for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” How could a continent full of orphaned children be good for anyone?

The Spare Room

This post was inspired by CinnamonOpus...

This weekend, since it was so crappy out and I didn't get to stain my deck and fence..(Oh when rain gods will you let me have a rain free weekend??) I started to de-clutter my house. The room that had my focus was the spare room / the unnamed unknown child's room. Unnamed unknown child is too long and impersonal. They need initials... I like NK - new kid. Plus those are my mom's initials.


It took all day but I sorted thorough the junk, organized the closet, gathered ML's books and toys that she has outgrown and strategically placed them in the room. I am not one of those people who actually enjoys this sort of thing, but when I was looked into the room, saw the toys and books, thinking of NK , who would (I hope) love and abuse them, it made a day of cleaning all worth it.

My New Favourite Amharic Proverb

OK I think it is the only Amharic proverb that I know, but I love it nonetheless

People who love each other will meet without any appointment.

How did I find it? Reading Julie's blog. Her Guest blogger tells a great story today.

Go check it out!

I Realize I am an Idealist but...

Reading through my list of blogs I check on daily, I came across a post about a women asking for advice whether to add to her family or not. Obviously this is a very personal question and we assume that she will do what she wants regardless of what the blog world has to say. To colour her decision is the fact she has twins, boy girl after many years of infertility and treatment. She thinks she wants to add a 3rd.

Anyways what struck struck me is how many commenters mentioned the cost. Now I know kids cost money... I realize that daily. Some of the commenters wrote about needing a new house and needing a new car and how for them when they added the 3rd child PRIVATE SCHOOL was now just out of reach.... And that these were the important factors to consider when debating about addiong another child to the family.

Back to my title, I know I am an Idealist. I know some call me a Bleeding Heart. But comments like that just scream blatant materialism and commercialism. Kids can share rooms. I have seen it happen. My sisters shared a room until they were 14. No worse for ware, or so they assure me. Most cars fit 5 people, and with the price of gas bigger is certainly not better. And well Private school? Wow. That certainly would never factor in my decision on whether to add a child, but then again call me crazy.

I understand that there needs to be enough money coming in for the mortgage/rent, food clothes, etc. etc. And a little extra for soccer and movies is nice as well. All I can think of is how many kids in this world would probably wish for nothing more than a family with a small house and a shared bedroom to be loved in... private school be dammed. Any school would be a privilege.

OK I'm off my soapbox now.

Feel good Article

Here is something to make your Monday feel just a little bit better.